Note to Self

I’m sorry for all the words 
That came out wrong,
Or that came out at all 
That shouldn’t have.
I’m sorry for forgetting how to laugh 
And have fun;
And learning how to be sad 
And anxious 
About what might. 
Or might not,
Come my way.
I’m sorry for choosing to clean house,
Or wash clothes;
Instead of spending more time
Playing with kids out in the dirt…
Or watching my husband getting all greasy 
Working under the hood of a car…
Or keeping a snotty nosed, crying grandbaby all night,
Or going to more concerts with my sister,
Or staying with my mother a little longer,
Or listening to the whole song on the radio;
Before running on in my clean house for
…. whatever.
I’m sorry for making need for money a priority, 
As we fought to survive raising babies.
And allowing working for that money…
And worrying about that money; 
To suck the life right out of my life.
I’m sorry for worrying about who I may,
or may not 
have made mad 
along the way.
And choosing to do what others wanted.. 
To make them happy.
Things that were really,
Instead of doing things to make me happy.
I’m sorry I didn’t make more true
And lasting friends;
Because I allowed hurt and fear…
To live in my heart 
That is…
The fear of being hurt by 
Wolves in sheep’s clothing,
Who are always lurking in life.
You choose to 
Hang out where they may be.
You allow them in.
I’m sorry for being so stubborn
In taking so long
To forgive
Those who put 
Hurt and pain and fear… 
In my heart.
I’m sorry I didn’t learn to swim,
Or sew,
Or enjoy reading books.
I’m sorry I never just 
To Florida,
Or Here,
Or There,
Or anywhere,
On a whim.
I’m sorry I didn’t look at more sunsets
I’m sorry I didn’t watch the rain more.
I’m sorry I didn’t hug more
Learn more
Listen more
Laugh more
Love more
Live more.